Quiapo: My Little Piece of Heaven

I was looking through old photos earlier today and then I suddenly started feeling kind of nostalgic when I saw pictures of our old house in Quiapo. Ok, I will not go through every memory I had on this home but lemme just share with you why I miss it especially in times like this. By in times like this, I mean when it is raining and it's cold and I feel so alone. K, I kid.

My friend named this spot in my room as the "emo corner". Since it is beside the window, he said that it's a perfect place for pondering and crying. You get that feeling like you're on a music video or something, or NOT REALLY. OMG! So many things happened on that tiny space right there. So many significant people in my life sat on that chair, I miss them terriblly. :(

On a lighter note, this is how the side of my room looks like at the wee hours of the morning. Yes, I used to sleep with blinds and windows open because it’s too hot in Manila, oh, the Meralco light post over thur. I used to think of silly stuff —like someone might sneak into my room and hold captive of me or or a headless man would just appear by the window. I’m paranoid like that. Hrrr.

This was taken during the last Christmas I had in that house. Oh, shit! I ain't gonna cry! :P

This is one of the views you'll see when you walk along the street of Hidalgo, you may call it slums but I don't care, Quiapo will always be one of the beautiful things that had ever happened to me. :)

You know why I love Quiapo so much? 

Read here.

Ang sayang hatid ng 1st Semester~

Niyaya ko kanina yung nanay ko na pumunta sa eskwelahan ko, sabi ko samahan niya ko at mag-baka sakali kami, baka kasi pwede na kong kumuha ng Copy of Grades. Bale, ilang araw na din kasi ko naghihintay eh. Patumpik-tumpik pa kasi sa paaralan, kelangan yung mga skolar lang daw muna ang mabibigyan. Sa enrollment na daw yung mga hindi. Eh, sa kasamaang palad, nag-System Failure naman daw sa Registrar's Office kaya nausog na naman ang enrollment sa Nobyembre 2, ibig sabihin, mapapahaba na naman ang pag-tambay ko sa bahay gawa ng sa ika-walo na ang pasukan. 

Siguro nga, ngayon ang "lucky day" ko, una sa lahat, napagbigyan ang hiling namin na makakuha ng kopya (salamat sa angking charm ng nanay ko). :) At nang inabot sa akin ang papel at masilayan ko ang mga markang nandun, napangiti na lang ako sa sobrang saya. Naisip ko na sulit na sulit na ang pagpupuyat ko at pag-aadvance reading ng mga lessons ko. Sabi nga ni Carlo, mommy, I'm so proud of you! Syempre, ganon din ang nasambit ng mahal kong ina.

Sabihin na nating 1st semester lang 'to sa pangalawang pagkakataon ko sa kolehiyo, pero yun na nga eh, para sakin, napakalaking bagay na nito, achievement~ ba. Sino naman kasing magaakala na sa siyam na taon ng pagtigil ko sa pag-aaral na halos mangalawang na ang utak ko eh kaya ko pa din palang humabol sa mga bagets ngayon. :D 

Walang mapaglagyan ang tuwa ko, naisip ko yung tatay ko (Sumalangit Nawa!), tiyak nakikita ako nun ngayon at masayang-masaya din siya para sakin, haha, kung makaarte ako akala mo naman graduating na! Basta, ang tanging maipapangako ko lang, talagang pagbubutihin ko 'tong landas na tinatahak ko ngayon. :)

Ay, eto nga pala yung ibinibida kong mga grades ko, o~

Tinext ko yung pinsan ko, binalita ko sa kanya yung average ko.

AKO: OMG!!! 1.50 ang GWA KOOOOO!!!

JAY ANNE: Congrats!!! [Insert curse here] ang nerd mo!!! Geek!!!

Labis lang ako natuwa sa sagot niya sakin, sabi ko nga, BEST COMMENT EVERRRR! :D

My 1st semester in bullets:

• I was so thrilled to go back to school. I may say, this milestone was the most amazing thing that has ever happened so far in 2011.
• I had conquered my fear with skirts which I had worn 5x a week because really, I'm a jeans' person.
• Thank God because we are changing our uniform this second sem, ohai, white slacks! 
• I had gained friends who are way younger than I am and they made me feel that I am capable of being a BIG sister to them.
• I met TJ who made this semester so much fun than I had ever expected it to be. NO, I AM NOT A COUGAR!
• I got to share my inner thoughts with this person, I am blessed for having him around.
• I had learned to appreciate the life that I have  and the utmost support I am getting from those people who genuinely loves me.
• I became more organized with my files aka handouts, etc.
• I had became more carefree, jolly, and young at heart.
• I had learned to love Statistics and even topped every major exams that I took, ehem! :P
• I developed a study habit which really worked for me.
• I had learned to become more tolerable of the people around me, but cheating your partner is not counted.
• I got another chance on becoming a better student this time.
• There were rare moments that I don't understand some kids in school but what the hale, I had been stupid as well before.
• If they have to learn the hard way, so be it! Let them be!
• OMG! I love Psychology!
• I had learned the value of time. 2014, please come quick! Ooops.
• I was informed that irregular students can't make it to the Dean's List despite having the required GWA.
• Also, you have to be a resident of the school for 2 years in able to be included in the list.
• Which is kind of sad. Ugh, I had always dreamed of making my momma proud but, oh well, rules are rules.
• I had only read one paperback this semester, that explains how busy I had been.
• But yeah, I have time for the innernet. Fine, I am sarreh!

Oh Lord, thank you for the wonderful 1st semester that has been and for the amazing people that I had made friends with along the way. BRB, bracing myself for ze 2nd sem and the 30units I have to take.

Good night, sweet prince.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” — Steve Jobs

Thank you so much, Mister Jobs! May you rest in peace.

journal, sketchbook, etc.

Course, I had failed to fulfill my promise to put into account the ~interesting~ things that will unfold in my life this 2011, I am so sorry, mi dear journal for neglecting you these past months. I had just been so very busy and engrossed with a lot of school stuff that I wasn't able to pause for a while and savor each moment and later on jot it down on you. But hey, it's not too late yet! We can still do some catching up, yes? ;) Besides, the awesome year that is 2011 is not yet over! :D

You see, you're back on my bed again! This time, no more promises, but I guess, I should just have to exert some effort like Carlo does on his ~artworks~ Lels. Lately, Carl has been doing a lot of sketching and coloring --the reason why our bed sheet is full of oil pastel stains, ah, but it's all good. :) He's also been vocal that he wants to be an ~artist~ when he grows up, hihi. Whatever you want, son! I got yer back! 

Carlo said, "One day, I will draw you, mommy!" and I was like, all smiles when I heard of it. Let's see. Let's wait for that one day he's saying. I love you always and forever, Carlo! :)

Dear Class of Whatevz,

As you begin your college experience, I thought I’d leave you with the things that, in retrospect, I think are important as you navigate the next four years. I hope that some of them are helpful.

Here goes…

1. Your friends will change a lot over the next four years. Let them.
2. Call someone you love back home a few times a week, even if just for a few minutes.
3. In college more than ever before, songs will attach themselves to memories. Every month or two, make a mix cd, mp3 folder, whatever - just make sure you keep copies of these songs. Ten years out, they’ll be as effective as a journal in taking you back to your favorite moments.
4. Take naps in the middle of the afternoon with reckless abandon.
5. Adjust your schedule around when you are most productive and creative. If you’re nocturnal and do your best work late at night, embrace that. It may be the only time in your life when you can.
6. If you write your best papers the night before they are due, don’t let people tell you that you “should be more organized” or that you “should plan better.” Different things work for different people. Personally, I worked best under pressure - so I always procrastinated… and always kicked ass (which annoyed my friends to no end). ;-) Use the freedom that comes with not having grades first semester to experiment and see what works best for you.
7. At least a few times in your college career, do something fun and irresponsible when you should be studying. The night before my freshman year psych final, my roommate somehow scored front row seats to the Indigo Girls at a venue 2 hours away. I didn’t do so well on the final, but I haven’t thought about psych since 1993. I’ve thought about the experience of going to that show (with the guy who is now my son’s godfather) at least once a month ever since.
8. Become friends with your favorite professors. Recognize that they can learn from you too - in fact, that’s part of the reason they chose to be professors.
9. Carve out an hour every single day to be alone. (Sleeping doesn’t count.)
10. Go on dates. Don’t feel like every date has to turn into a relationship.
11. Don’t date someone your roommate has been in a relationship with.
12. When your friends’ parents visit, include them. You’ll get free food, etc., and you’ll help them to feel like they’re cool, hangin’ with the hip college kids.
13. In the first month of college, send a hand-written letter to someone who made college possible for you and describe your adventures thus far. It will mean a lot to him/her now, and it will mean a lot to you in ten years when he/she shows it to you.
14. Embrace the differences between you and your classmates. Always be asking yourself, “what can I learn from this person?” More of your education will come from this than from any classroom.
15. All-nighters are entirely overrated.
16. For those of you who have come to college in a long-distance relationship with someone from high school: despite what many will tell you, it can work. The key is to not let your relationship interfere with your college experience. If you don’t want to date anyone else, that’s totally fine! What’s not fine, however, is missing out on a lot of defining experiences because you’re on the phone with your boyfriend/girlfriend for three hours every day.
17. Working things out between friends is best done in person, not over email. (IM does not count as “in person.”) Often someone’s facial expressions will tell you more than his/her words.
18. Take risks.
19. Don’t be afraid of (or excited by) the co-ed bathrooms. The thrill is over in about 2 seconds.
20. Wednesday is the middle of the week; therefore on Wednesday night the week is more than half over. You should celebrate accordingly. (It makes thursday and friday a lot more fun.)
21. Welcome failure into your lives. It’s how we grow. What matters is not that you failed, but that you recovered.
22. Take some classes that have nothing to do with your major(s), purely for the fun of it.
23. It’s important to think about the future, but it’s more important to be present in the now. You won’t get the most out of college if you think of it as a stepping stone.
24. When you’re living on a college campus with 400 things going on every second of every day, watching TV is pretty much a waste of your time and a waste of your parents’ money. If you’re going to watch, watch with friends so at least you can call it a “valuable social experience.”
25. Don’t be afraid to fall in love. When it happens, don’t take it for granted. Celebrate it, but don’t let it define your college experience.
26. Much of the time you once had for pleasure reading is going to disappear. Keep a list of the books you would have read had you had the time, so that you can start reading them when you graduate.
27. Things that seem like the end of the world really do become funny with a little time and distance. Knowing this, forget the embarrassment and skip to the good part.
28. Every once in awhile, there will come an especially powerful moment when you can actually feel that an experience has changed who you are. Embrace these, even if they are painful.
29. No matter what your political or religious beliefs, be open-minded. You’re going to be challenged over the next four years in ways you can’t imagine, across all fronts. You can’t learn if you’re closed off.
30. If you need to get a job, find something that you actually enjoy. Just because it’s work doesn’t mean it has to suck.
31. Don’t always lead. It’s good to follow sometimes.
32. Take a lot of pictures. One of my major regrets in life is that I didn’t take more pictures in college. My excuse was the cost of film and processing. Digital cameras are cheap and you have plenty of hard drive space, so you have no excuse.
33. Your health and safety are more important than anything.
34. Ask for help. Often.
35. Half of you will be in the bottom half of your class at any given moment. Way more than half of you will be in the bottom half of your class at some point in the next four years. Get used to it.
36. In ten years very few of you will look as good as you do right now, so secretly revel in how hot you are before it’s too late.
37. In the long run, where you go to college doesn’t matter as much as what you do with the opportunities you’re given there. The MIT name on your resume won’t mean much if that’s the only thing on your resume. As a student here, you will have access to a variety of unique opportunities that no one else will ever have - don’t waste them.
38. On the flip side, don’t try to do everything. Balance = well-being.
39. Make perspective a priority. If you’re too close to something to have good perspective, rely on your friends to help you.
40. Eat badly sometimes. It’s the last time in your life when you can do this without feeling guilty about it.
41. Make a complete ass of yourself at least once, preferably more. It builds character.
42. Wash your sheets more than once a year. Trust me on this one.
43. If you are in a relationship and none of your friends want to hang out with you and your significant other, pay attention. They usually know better than you do.
44. Don’t be afraid of the weird pizza topping combinations that your new friend from across the country loves. Some of the truly awful ones actually taste pretty good. Expand your horizons.
45. Explore the campus thoroughly. Don’t get caught.
46. Life is too short to stick with a course of study that you’re no longer excited about. Switch, even if it complicates things.
47. Tattoos are permanent. Be very certain.
48. Don’t make fun of prefrosh. That was you like 2 hours ago.
49. Enjoy every second of the next four years. It is impossible to describe how quickly they pass.

This is the only time in your lives when your only real responsibility is to learn. Try to remember how lucky you are every day.

Be yourself. Create. Inspire, and be inspired. Grow. Laugh. Learn. Love.
Welcome to some of the best years of your lives.

(source)

because a daughter will never ever forget

Two years ago, someone so dear to me died of cardiopulmonary arrest after undergoing a major operation in relation to his colorectal cancer. I remember receiving that very phone call from my mom at around 3:30 in the morning, my heart jumped and in that moment, I knew, I knew that he’s about to leave us already. We rushed to the hospital to see him, he was in the I.C.U. and I was just staring at him and all these cords and apparatuses connected on his body and yes, it took a while for things to sink in to me. Someone told me that the very last sense to go is hearing, I talked to him and I knew he was listening to me, like he always did when I feel down. I saw tears from the sides of his eyes and it truly broke me into pieces. For the last time, I kissed him goodbye.

To the man who had taught me about sentence construction, to the man who always bought me coloring books and crayons, to the man who introduced The Beatles, Cat Stevens, John Denver, Stevie Wonder, Queen and Ray Charles to me, to the man who played the guitar and sung me songs of life and love, to the man who brings me to school and carries my bag even if I was in high school already, to the man who knows I love books over clothes, to the man who had stood by me in all my choices –good or bad, to the man who was so cool and would hang-out with my friends over beer and talks and laughter in between, to the man who accepted me, without hesitation when he found out I got pregnant at 19, to the man who always gave me my cravings during the 1^st trimester of my pregnancy, to the man who sat down with me and held my hands when I was nursing my broken heart, to the man who always told me that everything will be just fine,  to the man who let my son experience what a father should be like, to the man who braved the storms with me, to the man who stayed so strong for us despite the battle he has to go through, to the man who fought for his life until the very end,  I love you so much, daddy! You’re mem’ries will always be with me and I will be forever thankful for those wonderful 26 years I got to share with you! 

What were you doing when you were 8?

This boy had prepared himself earlier than the expected time, he took a bath earlier, chose a cute shirt to wear, dabbed some cologne at the back of his ears and his wrists as well. He even asked me to put some wax on his hair, I just refused to. Heh! So, guess who's coming to Chateaux Altobar? ;)

Carlo has been crushing over this litol girl for over a year now, she's purdy, smart and very nice, no wonder why she captured his heart. OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT? WHAT HEART? WHAT? My son counted the nights and days for them to be able to play, he was obviously excited and giddy that MJ is coming over for some quality time with him. Last night, his lola told him to accompany her to buy some chips at the grocery store, but Carlo simply said, Lola, chips are bad for MJ, salty foods are bad for her because she just had a U.T.I. Mommy and I were like, okaaayyyy. Fine! I am amazed that he knew about this thing, impressive! Earlier, I was observing them, I was just letting him do his duties as the host to his guest, I was surprised when he got MJ a glass of water because he was concerned that she might be thirsty already. The little things count the most, y'know?  Ah, watch out for this fine man, you, gurlsss! :P 

You see the way he looks at her and the way she smiles? Haha, they are the most adorable 8 year old kids I know! <3

I just find it cute that as early as now, Carlo is already exercising the things that a gentleman must do. One day, when he's all grown up, he will get to read this entry and he will always be reminded that girls are precious and should be well taken care of. I love you, Carl! :D

My weekend in a photo

It's a Saturday and my desk is loaded with handouts and other school stuff. Since I have class tomorrow, I should already start reviewing on my 2 major subjects for my long quizzes on Tuesday and midterm exams on Thursday, I am a very studious student, like that! Nah, I am just doing it right this time. :D

Bye innernetz! Time for some srz business. 

Sybil: A Movie Review of Some Sort

Sybil is a meticulous adaptation of an amazing true to life case of a woman who had gone through a very traumatic childhood and had developed sixteen different personalities. Here are as follows:

Female Personalities

1.            Vanessa holds Sybil's musical abilities, plays the piano and helps Sybil pursue a romantic relationship with Richard. She's a young girl, possibly 12 years old (that's what Richard says and Vanessa doesn't dispute).

2.         Vicky, 13 year old who speaks French, a very strong, sophisticated and mature personality who knows about and has insight into all the other personalities, though Sybil does not.

3.         Peggy, 9 year old who speaks like a little girl. Holds Sybil's artistic abilities, often appears while crying hysterically due to Sybil's fears. She has many misconceptions; for instance, she doesn't know that she is in New York City and, instead, thinks she is in the small town that Sybil grew up. Peggy feels the greatest trauma from her mom's abuse, often feeling sad/depressed and unable to find happiness. Her biggest fears include the green kitchen, purple, Christmas, and explosions.

4.         Marcia dresses in funeral attire and constantly has suicidal thoughts and attempts suicide. Supposedly tried to kill Sybil in the Harlem hotel but was stopped from Vicky. She thinks the end of the world is coming, but what she really fears is the end of Sybil.

5.         Mary is Sybil's memory of her grandmother; she speaks walks and acts like a grandmother, and is anxious to meet Sybil's grandmother.

6.         Nancy, who kept waiting for the end of the world and was afraid of Armageddon. She's a product of Sybil's dad's religious fanaticism.

7.         Ruthie is one of Sybil's less developed selves, a baby in fact. When Sybil hears her mom's voice, she is so terrified that she regresses into Ruthie, an alter that parallels Sybil as a helpless, regressive, pre-verbal baby.

8.         Clara, around 8-9 years old. No info given.

9.         Ellen, around 13-14 years old. No info given.

10.       Margie, around 10-11 years old. No info given.

11.       Sybil Ann, around 5-6 years old. Very shy.

Male Personalities

12.       Mike built the shelf in the top of Sybil's closet to hide Vickie's paintings, which she does at night. He and Sid want to know if they can still give a baby to a girl like "daddy" did even though they are in Sybil's (a female's) body. He's around 9-10 years old.

13.       Sid wants to be just like his father, loves football. He's around 7-8 years old.


(source)

I may have read a book that had somehow touched the issue about multiple personality, and by multiple personality, I mean two personalities at the most, but I never thought that it was possible for a person to come to life with 16 different personalities. It was mind blowing indeed! Sybil Dorsett had gone through a very horrific childhood which her very own psychotic mother played as the antagonist in it, along with the failure of her father to rescue her from her very abusive mom, which caused this dissociative identity disorder.

Tortured body, emotionally strained, mentally affected and psychologically damaged all together –those were the things that Sybil has to go through as she was growing up. How can a mother inflict these to her very own daughter, her own flesh and blood? Being a schizophrenic (a person who has a mental disorder characterized by disintegration of thought processes and of emotional responsiveness) obviously made her a very incompetent mother for she as well had a hard time to assess herself and made Sybil as the outlet of her evil thoughts and doings. I felt so bad for the young Sybil, she was so fragile, so precious but she was so defenseless as her mother was causing her too much pain over and over again. Also, her dad should have seen the first signs of schizophrenia in his wife and taken medical attention to it than just brushing it off, not knowing that later on, something unimaginative could happen to their kid. He could have done a big difference about the situation, if only he took time to see what was really happening under his own roof. He could have saved Sybil. He could have been his knight, but it turned out that he was rather an accomplice for the disorder which aroused in Sybil.

Sybil embodied feelings and emotions the 'real' Sybil could not cope up with, she then turned to repression as her faithful companion, a psychological defense mechanism wherein one push painful events into the subconscious, not knowing that this form of “protection” will just add more insult to injury. It was only the intervention of Dr. Cornelia Wilbur, a psychoanalyst that alerted Sybil to her other personas. It was disturbing to see how she switches from one personality to another. I felt pity over the repeated nightmares that she has to go through for so long. Past is still present when you still carry it with you, but the utmost support and the superb patience that Dr. Wilbur poured into this case made it possible for Sybil to face her most dreadful fears. She had stood by her until the very end and I have to commend her for it. Their bond for 11 years was unremarkable, it was not just a doctor-patient relationship; she somehow made Sybil feel that missing part in her growing up years –the love from her mother.

My favorite part of the movie was when she had finally gained all the courage she needed and had let go of her real emotions, words of hate just came out of her mouth. She expressed how much she despised her mother and this had happened to be the turning point into making her embrace her other personalities as well --this enabled her in becoming whole again. She is above all a testament to the human spirit that this delicate young girl managed to find a way to survive despite the worst unthinkable abuse.  All praises for the strong willed woman that is Sybil.

I think it is just fine to question ourselves of our capabilities on being a mother. Are we truly ready for it? Are we mentally, physically, financially, emotionally, and psychologically ready for this lifetime role? It is easy to bear a child, but to nurture a child? I don’t think so. The parents should look after their kid on what they will become when they grow up. For it is at home where one first experiences what it is to be loved, it is where they learn to trust, it is where they were taught about the do’s and the don’ts in life, it is where they will be molded if not the best, at least be a good, self-assured being. After all, what they will develop into is merely the parents’ reflection on how they raised their child. 

You can download the movie here.

Shasha's day in bullets:

• my neighbors were in a festive mood 'til the wee hours of the morning
• and I was not able to get enough sleep because a) they were too noisy b) mother goose washed my blanket (which I would love to smell until I doze off)
• been re-reading my old Cosmo books (yes, I have quite a few, to please not judge me) I don't know, it just gives me that kilig feeling
• Vince's Life takes me back to our old house in Quiapo where all the good things happened in my life, K. I am getting sentimental again
• I set the alarm clock at 4am but ended up getting up at around 5ish
• continued reviewing for my midterm exam in Statistics, P.E. and Computer
• Carlo told me to have breakfast with him, mom prepared baconsilog
• oh, how I missed waking up early <3
• at around 7am, I decided to take a nap
• woke up at around 9am to prepare for school
• met TJ at Mcdo, we go to school together, like that!
• see, I've learned to love Stat because of its not so complex formulas but why did I feel so tired and drained after the test?
• because you've given too much of your time, your heart and your soul to those problems, Shasha! YOUR TIME, YOUR HEART AND YOUR SOULLLL!!!
• I did not take that 1 hour break and decided to just proceed with the rest of my exams
• I really want to get it over and done with already
• also, I want to go home and rest
• TJ and I went grocery shopping for our energy kit while reviewing
• took a bath
• I just can't resist my cravings for isaw, so I tagged Carlo along and we went to this ihawan place which I discovered through my friend, Cha-Anne, they sell the best isaw in Laguna!
• just when my prof in Theories of Personality and Human Development texted me and told me that she'll be moving our exams next week
• and yes, why am I so dumb to go there just when I was so fresh and clean already?
• there's a fogging at school on Friday so YAAAYYY!!! Long weekend! :)
• but you know what? there's this part in me that still wonders what happened to us?
• we do not talk anymore
• it's like we're strangers. again. LOL.
• srsly, I just miss you 

DAMN STRAIGHT!

di bale, lilipas din 'to!

Bale, naalala kita kahapon pa. Ano na nga ba nanyayari sayo? Matagal-tagal na din tayong di nagkakausap eh. Tineks nga kita nung isang linggo, binalitaan kita ng mga kaganapan sa pag-aaral ko, na matataas ang nakuha kong mga marka nung prelims, wala lang, tamang kwento lang kahit di mo naman ako kinakamusta (oo, papansin ako, ganyan), pero ayun, deadmathon ang drama mo eh. Inisip ko, ah, baka abala lang. Pero lumipas ang ilan pang mga araw na wala talaga kong narinig na kahit ano magbuhat sayo, kaya eto, napapaisip ako, malamang-lamang ay masaya ka nga talaga. Oo, ganun na nga yun.

Nalungkot lang ako bigla nung maramdaman kong talagang papawala ka na. Naiintindihan ko na iba na ang tinatahak mong landas, naiintindihan kong matagal mo na din yang hinintay, pero basta, namimiss lang siguro kita. Sa kalagitnaan ng kaaliwan at ka-busy-han ko sa eskwelahan eh may puwang pa din naman sa isip ko ang maalala ka. Pero ganun nga siguro talaga, ang tao ay may kakayahang makalimot dahil sa labis na saya. Sabagay, yan naman ang gusto ko eh, ang maging masaya ka. Kahit ang ibig sabihin nito ay ang pagkirot ng aking puso. Pero, di bale, lilipas din 'to!

because Carrie is the bomb!

Twas in 2002 when I got hooked with HBO's Sex and the City series. There is something about its characters that I loved so dearly. :) K, this is not a review about the show, I just wanna let you know that it has a prequel and another sequel to the prequel. Uh, did I even make sense? 

Whatever, I love Candace Bushnell! Nuff said! Look at the book covers, so girly! ♥♥♥

P.S. The last book just arrived last Wednesday as a birthday gift from Ate Criscelle (who also sent The Carrie Diaries to me, I have wonderful friends, I knowww! :)) and due to school load, I haven't read it yet, though I had already smelled it's pages, hihi. Hmmm, I think by tomorrow night, I can finally have an intimate time with Carrie and the rest of the gang, but for now, lemme go back to my readings about html and css, ugh! Bye!

I bet there's a party going on in bb Jesus' kingdom because one of their angels is celebrating his should've been 62nd birthday today. I miss you and I love you to the heaven and back, daddy! ♥

Mga kwentong biyahe ni Shasha

Pebrero yun ng taong 1999 nang dinalaw namin si nanay sa San Juan nila kuya, mommy at hipag ko. Lulan kame ng G. Liner patungong Quiapo. Hiniram ni kuya yung 3210 ko (oo, yun ang patok na selpon nung panahong yun) upang mag laro ng snake habang asa biyahe. Naidlip kami ni mommy nun gawa ng trapik, maya-maya na lang ay nagkaron ng komosyon nung nasa kahabaan na kami ng Legarda, nagulat na lang kami na nililimas na ng 3 kalalakihan ang mga telopono ng tao habang may nakatutok na baril sa aming mga pasehero. Natakot ako, mangiyak-ngiyak ako sa aking nasaksihan, agad-agad silang bumaba na para bang walang nangyare. Kahit papano, malaking pasasalamat na din na walang nasaktan sa insidinteng yun.  Pero, ang telepono ko! Wala na kong telepono! :(

Simula nun, natuto na ko na wag maglabas ng telepono habang asa pampublikong sasakyan. Natuto din ako na maging maingat at mapagmasid sa mga nakakasakay ko. Naging sobrang sensitibo ang paningin namin ni mommy sa paligid. Kadalasan, sa tingin pa lang namin sa isa’t-isa ay magkakaintindihan na kami na “tara na, baba na!”, kesihodang nakapagbayad na kame, basta baba kami basta’t may namataan kami na kahina-hinala. Iisipin mong, naku naman, napaka-judgmental naman nitong mga taong ‘to, masyadong mapag-isip ng masama sa kapwa. Eh, bakit ba? Di ko itataya ang kaligtasan ko sa halaga ng pamasahe na ibinayad ko.

Nuong nagtatrabaho ako sa Ortigas, madalas mangyare sakin na bigla na lang akong kukutuban, andung bababa talaga ko sa mataong lugar at dahil diyan, mapapahaba pa lalo ang biyahe ko at mapapamahal pati ako sa pamasahe, pero sa isip-isip ko, di bale na, at least alam kong makakauwi ako sa bahay ng matiwasay. At ito’y nagpaulit-ulit pa ng madaming beses.

Nang lumipat kami dito sa Laguna, naisip ko, ah, siguro naman low rate ang hold-up dito dahil probinsya naman ‘to, pero di pa din pala, may mangilan-ngilang pagkakataon na magugulat na lang ang mga kasakay kong kaklase na bigla na lang akong bababa ng jeep sa kadahilanang, oo, may naramdaman akong hindi maganda! Eto na nga, kanina papasok ako sa eskwelahan nang may sumakay na isang tomboy na ang sabi ay bababa din siya sa paaralan ko, panget na ang kutob ko nun, pero dahil sa may kasakay naman ako na skulmeyt eh kahit papano, sabi ko ay chika na ‘to. Alam ko kase sampuan ang isang side nung sasakyan eh, pero pilit akong sinisiksik ng babaeng ito. Andung nagdarasal na talaga ko na wag naman sana. Nang matapat sa Engineering Bldg ang jeep, agad-agad akong pumara at agad-agad din siyang bumaba na tila pahabol sakin. Malas lang talaga at walang gwardiya sa gate at kaunti lang ang mga tao sa harap, tumakbo ako ng mabilis na para bang yung gate ay ang aking finish line. Lalo pang kumabog ang dibdib ko nang makita ko siyang aali-aligid sa tapat na kung iisipin ko naman, anong gagawin nitong taong to dito eh wala namang establishments sa tabi ng eskwelehan, at sa tapat naman ng skul ay tanging carinderia lang ang meron. Nagtago ako habang pinagmamasdan ko siya, siguro nung alam niyang wala na siyang makukura eh parang dismayado na lamang itong lumakad ng papalayo. Alam mo ba, habang tumitipak ako ngayon dito sa keyboard ay damang-dama ko pa din ang takot sa nangyari kanina?

Hindi ko lubos-maisip kung bakit ako lapitin ng mga ganitong kahina-hinalang tao. Napaka-payak ko naman pero bakit ako? Ako lang nga ba 'to at ang aking pag-iisip? Sabi nga ni TJ, isa kong malapit na kaibigan na gawa na din `to siguro ng "traumatic experience" ko nuon kaya hanggang ngayon ay dala-dala ko pa din ang pag-uugaling ito. Pero hindi, pagpipilitan ko pa din na may hindi magandang balak yung kasakay ko kanina.

Hay, maraming salamat pa din sa Diyos na kahit na abot-abot ang kabog ng dibdib ang nararanasan ko eh palagi pa din Niya ko inililigtas sa kapahamakan.

song of teh nao

Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap

Sweet disposition
Never too soon
Oh reckless abandon,
Like no one's watching you

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh

Just stay there
Cause I'll be comin' over
While our bloods still young
It's so young, it runs
Won't stop til it's over
Won't stop to you surrender

Songs of desperation
I played them for you

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh

Just stay there
Cause I'll be comin' over
While our bloods still young
It's so young, it runs
Won't stop til it's over
Won't stop to you surrender

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs (won't stop til it's over)

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs (won't stop til it's over)

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs (won't stop til it's over)

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A moment, a love
A moment, a love (won't stop to you surrender)

my bed and Adler

Hai! It's a Saturday and I am busy doing (hopefully) my last report for the semester. I will be discussing about Alfred Adler and by far, he is already my favorite psychologist. No, I wouldn't tell you technical stuff about the structure of personality nor about the family constellations, I just wanna share some of the quotes that I came across to while I was engrossed going over his concepts and theories.

• There is a law that man should love his neighbor as himself. In a few hundred years it should be as natural to mankind as breathing or the upright gait; but if he does not learn it he must perish.
• God who is eternally complete, who directs the stars, who is the master of fates, who elevates man from his lowliness to Himself, who speaks from the cosmos to every single human soul, is the most brilliant manifestation of the goal of perfection.
• A simple rule in dealing with those who are hard to get along with is to remember that this person is striving to assert his superiority; and you must deal with him from that point of view.
• To be a human being means to possess feeling of inferiority which constantly presses towards its own conquest. The greater the feeling of inferiority that has been experienced, the more powerful is the urge for conquest and the more violent the emotional agitation.
• It is always easier to fight for one´s principles than to live up to them.
• Man knows more than he understands.
• My difficulties belong to me!

So there, I think I should take a break from work and take a bath already. Lol, it's almost 4 and I am still in my pjs. Also, why did I not watch UAAP's opening ceremonies? Ugh!

the week that was

It has been a very busy week. Too much Statistics lessons and compressed time for both Developmental Psychology and Theories of Personality classes. Oh well, the last 3 days were too stressful, not to mention that our prelim exams were scheduled in the morning and that means being sleep deprived. So what I was really tryna say is I survived my first 2 months in college and guess what? This momma is enjoying Math already! :P Can I just also add that I am having too much fun at school? Haha, who would've thought that I can be friends with these 17 year old kids? I feel a sense of belongingness despite the age gap, yeah, the BIG age gap! They make me feel that I am their ate and be young at heart at the same time. Ah, I am delighted about studying and working hard to get high grades. Summady's feeling so ~inspired~. :D

P.S. My prof in Theories of Personality sms'd me earlier, Congrats! Job well done! 2 mistakes only on your exam! And I was like, yessss!!! :)

P.P.S. Carlo helped me in reviewing yesterday, how cute is that? Hihi. I have a very strong support team!  I feel like the universe is conspiring in my favor! I love you, universe! I love you bb boy! :D